无标题

我想说，我要跟什么样的人交流，我要过怎样的人生是我自己去做决定的

我知道我很理智，也跟清醒。谢谢你的担忧，不过这是我自己私人的事情，你，不用过度的热情想要跟我分担我的人生

拍电影

今天是拍电影的第..... 算是第11天，结果就是早上5点才放工。

老实说，在这一行都有3年的经验了，今年27岁的我开始思考着真的要继续在这一行混下去吗？

无处倾诉

发现自从进入这一行后，遇到了这个人我学会了一样事情就是''忍''。而且还是忍到没办法也不知道怎么对人倾诉出自己想要发泄的负能量。尤其他所有传达给我的负能量。

没人能够倾诉是因为倾诉了也没人能够理解，没地方发泄也因为发泄了也是没人理解。

真的，快要被磨光了... 很怕会突然崩溃...

你知道吗... 你给我的负能量只有我一个人收着，没人可以说，就算说了也没人明白，别人听了只给予无法解决的方法。一直一直一直一个人在吸收着，一个人在忍着...

本想说社交媒体可能让我发泄... 打开了，写下了心情，最后还是没办法发送出去。结果也是一个人一直在收着。

真的好像要告诉你，很多的事情请你自己解决吧。我是你的助理，不是你的丫鬟啊.. 你自己的方便只会带给我很多的痛苦跟愤怒。迁就你不是因为我怕你，但你想要贪方便的时候可不可以想想我到底愿不愿意。说不要就是不要，不要一直说服。你，很麻烦。


呼.......
嗯... 回到这里真好... 相信这里会是我最后的避风港了。

心血来潮来一篇 之 Imagine the Future

嘿~ Blogger 你好呀.. 好久不见， how do you've been?

Sudden feel wanted to come here.

It's been a long time I have abandon this pity blog here.
I'm sorry Bluu Xii. (my blogger new name :目）

Hi my friends how do you do? Doing fine? Great!!
It's not to say I'm back. Coz I'm not sure when I'll leave it along time again.. haha
Well, at least I'm here again to tell you what my feelings now.

Actually I have alot of feelings wanted to tell..
Since after few months I have done with my studies, and now I am starting to be newbies in a real society.

Erm... It's abit awkward to telling feeling here so suddenly.. hahaha..
I think I need to be used to it again to come here often. If not I'll not recognize the feeling on writing a blog anymore.

Okay, back to topic. Topic today is : "Future"

Erm.. I'm not sure whether there have any of my blog reader or not, but is okay that I'm telling the feeling to myself.

Have you ever figured out how is your future be?
What does it look like?
You be a wealthy man? Or you're being chasing your dream wonderfully?

Sometimes I'm trying to figure out, but there is no answer on my mind that - Who am I wanna be?

I have been working as a small small employee in a company.
Doing the same task everyday, routinely. Do I learn something? Of course yes, but are they really the things that I interested for?
Some of my friends or even other people will introduce me some new job options.
Be a "better" clerk in another bigger companies or persuade me as a salesperson in property company or insurance company; even a beauty cosmetic corporations; or continue further study....etc.

Do you have the feeling like, so many options, but didn't know how to choose? hahaa

"Better Future Vs Dream Future"

Which one do you want?

You know what, being grown up is a super hard task for every single human being; especially for the young men and ladies like me. I know you'll agree me. Coz I believe you also facing the same problem like mine.

24 years old, is not the time for us being a child anymore.
When we are little, getting hurt we could run away and find our parents to heal us, they will hug you and kiss you tell you is okay. But when grown up, the things you learn more the more you hurt. Reality would not tell you is okay, hug you or kiss you. Imagine that, creepy reality. Ha!

I hope to be a beauty artist - a make-up artist. This is my ambitious from since I was 12 years old until now. Never stop this dream. But I know if I fully focus on this might not build a good future for me. So now what else I can be? Sitting in the office doing the same thing routinely? or being salesperson facing the different challenges that might knock you down and for the whole life?
Business? yeah, ever think before.. but can I really perfectly compete with others?

So many "Question marks"; so many "but-s" ...

Haisshh...... Grown up, You so difficult. But has to meet you every single moment, single second.

Spin Lim, work hard la,keep living la, keep finding la, keep waiting la,  keep fighting la. Don't mess up yourself, Do whatever you have to do only know what you will be soon.


Okay, thanks! Continue working. :) Chao~

Grown Up

it has been more than months.
here becoming a place where i have no where to speak to.
well, reviewed back all the posts that i've posted previously, i can say that, i've grown up~
not that emotional anymore, last time i used to alil tiny emotional will come here to tell my moods.. haha
now, i've learned alot, learn know how to not easily tell ur emotional publically, show ur moods to everyone, tell everything to everyone.
these are what i've learnt, if u wanna be stronger, learn to not too care, not too sensitive, not too alert with someone or something that u care alot, unless the person who worth to.. :)

tell urself, care more about urself, care more about ur family, care more about ur darlings (ur loved one and some REAL besties)

remember the lessons, love urself.. ;)

#positivethinking #positivemind #lovelife #bepeaceful

抒发

这里变成没地方能够诉说，在这诉说的地方了..
很久没回来，通常回来这里就是抒发的地方..
我开始疑惑， 该怎么去消化这几天所听到的还有感受到的..
该怎么去抉择..
ta让我开始感觉，对吗..
怎样才能变得就算不在身旁都能顺利安心
每次到敏感的时候，我的忍耐就得把它变的最高，那敏感会让我变得难受
但谁又能懂，我忍了别人就会知道吗
忍了，会了解我的感受了吗
我能坚持得住吗

我真的很害怕
考虑的事情总有一天会发生
我怕变得不了解，变得很累很累

Super Duper Busy Semester

it is going to be end for the semester.
what i'm feeling now is, the assignment super duper sipek many!
just finished one assignment, the lecturers keep add on the assignments for us. how pity. :(
well, complain is no use. just keep working.

social entrepreneurship, the most "challenge-able" subject ever for these 3 years.
now i'm in evil mind. must plan something on it. ngek ngek..
hope everything is going fine. especially the carry marks. why? coz i wonder how we concern about the quality of the assignments becoz need to memorize so many things in different assignments, but mostly fail to remember. hah!

well, God blessed us!

#hashtag #busylife #feelingunderstood #godpleasekeepblessingus #goodnight

再尝试

未来是怎样， 就是看自己想要怎样了

再忍耐吧.. 

我相信你的。

思考

我所向往的升温，好像，慢慢消去了
就真的变成习惯了吗？
短短的交谈，习惯的交代，习惯的语气
习惯的，习惯的，习惯的....
都变成''习惯的''..
努力，都有点吃不消了..
该怎么坚持....

pretty lucky

It's a pretty luck day for me today.
Everything goes smooth and hopefully everything still keeping smoothie~

Social entrepreneurship, I believe we can do it!
Let's pray...

one year passed . i'm home

one year passed...
since when i abandoned this wonderful space for so long?
365 days, more than thousands hours... sorry. ngee.. :)
now i'm back~

2014 has been happened alot of things.
happiness, sadness, madness, bitterness..
every taste of taste u could taste.

now, 2015 came!
what i need to learn for is to be stronger than before.
whatever happen, can handle easily and steadily.
tell myself, be more positive.

Don't worry, Be happy.

征兆

当你心里的不好的OS越来越多，没办法说出来的时候，
这证明着心病快要形成的征兆..
当你有一天一直感动到委屈，找不到原因，也解决不了
这只能证明是你的问题了
对，这一切是我的问题

我的问题

a wish that hope can come true

finally, emo for few months finally got a lil bit feedback from that fella.
luckily, i still can feel i'm useful.

hope that all of our "payments" can get a good result.
and just hope that no one spoils all the things that we've done and paid for this event.

p/s: my boy is not here. though he's coming back tomorrow. but still, missing him now.. ;p *shy*

疏离感

最近感觉到跟朋友之间的距离感越来越严重了
不知道是自己的问题还是别人的问题
有时候就是真的觉得不要在意了
但是还是不能，总是会在乎

别人说的不无道理
朋友只是过客罢了
如果要说真的，朋友只是对彼此有帮助，他（她）才会在你的身边逗留
一直很挣扎，不知道应该怎样去调整自己的心态
女人就是这样
婆婆妈妈，优柔寡断
残忍的事是不想去碰，不想去面对的
很麻烦

靠感性生活真的很辛苦
有时候会想，人到底能不能真的逼到自己理智起来
应该很难吧，对女人来说

应该不要去顾虑他们了
自己做自己的事就好
不要去在乎别人什么，别人用什么样的眼睛看，什么样的心态对待，什么样的想法想

自己一个也可以生活，不要再想着朋友跟自己的难处纠结着了..
至少现在，自己并不是一个人..还有另一个人会为自己想，爱着自己
就把心思放在他身上吧.. （希望不会都太迟）

small problem happened

well, just ignore the title coz i don't know what to put on the diary's title.. haha

alright, i'm back to here is just wanted to tell out my feeling.. maybe it is a trouble?
sometimes couldn't think two side is a trouble? need to consider what situation in ma....
confusing..
people said girls are troublesome animal..
but for me, sometimes, guys also the same kind and sometimes like a girl-----> so difficult to guess too.. haha.. guys, am i right? XD
maybe i'm a lil bit boyish..
for me sometimes be simple to me is a good things. i'm not the kind of always will think deep..deep... deeply...
had a small argument with my boy last few days ago.
don't know it was whose problem. but quite sad..
small things also can be a bad "aura" between us..
become awkward.. not good not good..
well, it is very true that human are need to be communicated.
especially in a relationship.
once u in a relationship, u can't just think one side but both sides.
conclude: is just, in which ways u be, single or couple, both ways you also need to be positive.

human.. human.. can you be simple? haisshh..

令人感到可悲的心态

我真的得好好反省一下
最近的心态真的很有问题
有时真的会对自己感到可怕可悲

不知道为什么，参加一个社团可以令人改变到这么可悲
是因为人的问题吗？
不信任导致自己成天紧张，紧张的氛围令人感到太过杞人忧天
实在是可悲

我真的感到很累了，也很后悔..
现在我真的不能伪装着说我还是很喜欢这个社团了
我不能伪装笑着说我喜欢它
越伪装越害怕，越伪装越难过越难受

默契一年也培养不到，那还能做到团队精神吗？
一盘散沙还能伪装信任吗？

这么久没来这里，这里已经是我的忍无可忍，无处可诉苦的时候拿来诉苦的避难所了

这样成长的方式，真的很残忍但也得忍着过去继续做双面人

learning

tell yourself,
learn to not to be selfish
learn to not to be negative
learn to not to be jealousy
learn to not to be sensitive
learn to not to be too care
learn to not to be too "cursy"
learn to not to be emotional
learn to not to be robotic

learn to more positive
learn to be human
learn to be cool
learn to be think more
learn to be one eye closes one ear closes

对于“朋友” 这两个字
不要太介怀
不要放太多感情
不要太过敏感
不要情绪化
不要一直抱怨
打开眼睛看，用心感受
谁才是自己应该多在意的“朋友”
应该多爱护对待的就多爱护
应该支持的就多支持

看开，看开
想通，想通
站在别人的立场想
听听别人的想法

这是，我对自己的告诫
不要做傻瓜
自己拿东西去想，去介意，去付出
因为，某些朋友并不像你那么想那么做
没有东西是100%得到回报的

成长吧

忙里偷“嘿”

in class boring, play with my cici XD

p/s: still lost = =

first one, perhaps the only one

i found my like one. :)

pity guy

these three months are not my months.
but also not for lots of people.

broke-up happened in these three months.
i remembered, sept was the month i knew a guy.
that was his emo month, he shared his stories to me.
but until now, this sept, he still not own the month yet.

how pity, a relationship makes himself so pity and painful.
he found me last day, he told me he broke-up with his love again for the third times.
love, difficult to understand.
but, if have the heart i think it not that hard to understand.

long distance relationship, isn't it really hard to chain to?
maybe super long distance yes, but maybe not.
if a relationship just one person to maintain it then maybe yes.

how come he still not "wake up"?
he said still willing to wait her.
for me, i don't think that is love.
that is "blind". he is let the girl lives in his heart, and doesn't even think to "sweep" the girl away.

thrid times broke-up with the same lady.
just can say that, they are playing a game.